Leno: "What does a first-class private jet have in common with the L.A. Lakers? No coach! The Lakers are still looking for a coach. This is going to be tough. They need someone who’s willing to listen to Kobe and then pass on what he says to the team."

"It’s February. The Super Bowl is over. The football season is over. You know what that means guys? Time to take down the Christmas lights. … Good news for the Philadelphia Eagles. Even though the Patriots won 24-21, since it was in Florida, the Eagles are entitled to a recount."

"One of the Philadelphia Eagles said one of the reasons his team did poorly in the fourth quarter was that McNabb got sick in the huddle. He actually vomited in the huddle. There’s a Chunky Soup commercial you don’t want to see."

"The (Super Bowl commercials) weren’t as good this year. But it’s funny, when I saw George Bush and Bill Clinton walking together into the stadium, I just thought it was a new Super Bowl commercial for Metamucil and Levitra."