Leno: "Any hockey fans here tonight? Well, of course you’re here, you’ve got nowhere else to go. That’s unbelievable. Yesterday, the NHL officially canceled the rest of the season. Today, the Clippers said, ‘You can do that?’ Of course, fans are very disappointed, but on the good side, they say this action is expected to save over 3,000 teeth."
"In fact right now, the only pro athlete still on ice is Ted Williams. Hockey players are scrambling for jobs. In fact today, half of the L.A. Kings are now working at Burger King."
"Kobe Bryant’s name also appeared on the potential witness list. In fact, after Kobe saw his name on the list, out of force of habit, he bought his wife another ring."
"A DNA test has reunited a Sri Lankan couple with their baby who was separated from them during the tsunami disaster. It was Baby 81, and you know the nice part? The paternity equipment was donated by the NBA."