Le Olympics de Bullet Point: Let Us Relay News…

Breaking news! We are pleased to report that all 47 ailing participants in the women’s marathon in Beijing yesterday have recovered from collapsing and falling out of the race due to the excess inhalation of smog in the Rotten City. Many expect to be released from the hospital today. We’re thrilled no one died from breathing in the industrial air o…

Smog

(Alleged coverage of the women’s marathon?)

Wait, what? No one fell unconscious due to the icky smog beast? It was all an overreaction built up by mildly concerned athletes dropped in a Western media echo chamber? That’s unpossible!

Other unpossible events of the previous 24 Earth hours (give-take), including Michael Phelps, Michael Phelps, Brett Favre, and Michael Phelps.

MichaelPhelps.

  • Michael Phelps is interviewed.
  • Michael Phelps is commodotized.
  • Michael Phelps has been captured on magical optical disc already. (If you buy these and were not already deeply involved in the swimming world, you are not being taxed enough.)
  • We were going to fuss about Michael Phelps’ mom being miked for the final relay, but then we discovered Usain Bolt’s mom was also wired for sound at the 100m track final. Now we want to know: who miked Usain Bolt’s mom?
  • Also: Michael Phelps won some kind of event last night.  We’re still trying to track down more about this.  Stay tuned.
  • Do you know who Ous Mellouli is? Neither do we because NBC wouldn’t shut up about the Australian tabbed to win the 1500m freestyle (who we won’t mention by name out of unnecessary spite). He won Tunisia’s first swimming gold and is a damned handsome man. We’d think someone would pick up on this and Google him sometime during the 84-hour swimming event while he’s ahead by 17 lengths.
  • (For those that want to know, he trains at USC and just came off a suspension for amphetamines. Also, his mom wasn’t miked.)
  • Our favorite new comedy team? May-Treanor and Walsh. Also our favorite semi-finalists in women’s beach volleyball.
  • Brett Favre must be awfully angry at his PR team for scheduling his 64th comeback during the Olympics. Why isn’t anyone looking at him? Guys? Guyyyyyys…