Lawrence Taylor’s First Bad Drug Test Wasn’t His?

Trusting a known substance abuser when it comes to their habits and history with substance abuse is usually a prohibitively treacherous plan of action; only the most lurid, hopeless tales ring true, usually because only the most lurid, hopeless details ever propel a drug user to come clean and stop protecting their destructive habits. It’s the nature of addiction.

So when former Giants great Lawrence Taylor - arguably the most notable drug abuser in NFL history* - told the YES NETWORK that his very first drug test didn’t actually contain his urine, well, we were more than a little skeptical.

Not so skeptical was the NEW YORK POST, who dutifully repeated the claims today:

LEGENDARY Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor submitted a teammate’s sample when he failed his first drug test in 1987, he told the Yes network’s “Centerstage.” “Actually, it wasn’t my urine. I failed the drug test and he didn’t. I couldn’t believe it.”

Ah, but context is important. The only reason Taylor was using somebody else’s urine was, of course, his was already dirty, so there’s no sense in interpreting his statement as a claim that he wasn’t doing drugs at the time. Furthermore, though he apparently cleaned up for a good part of his career, Taylor freely admitted that his heart was, ahem, elsewhere:

“The night before I retired, I realized that I wanted to do recreational drugs again. The recreational drugs turned into a full-time job.” His moment of clarity? “When the feds put the handcuffs on me,” L.T. said. “It comes in real clear — these are not recreational handcuffs.”

So, now - given his acknowledgment that his drug use was destructive - his initial claim seems a little bit plausible. For example, had he indeed been using someone else’s urine and that turned out to be dirty, then how would you know that if you simply dismissed all claims of that since they’re coming out of his mouth?

Still, as we mentioned before, honesty isn’t an addict’s first instinct, and the Post owed its readers a little bit of discretppfffffhahahaha, sorry, I couldn’t write that with a straight face

*Unless you count nacho cheese, of course, then it’s Gilbert Brown.