Larry Johnson Just Doesn’t Seem To Like Women

The Kansas City Chiefs suspended running back Larry Johnson for this past Sunday’s game against the Tennessee Titans. They didn’t say why, other than that he’d violated team rules, but the suspension did coincide with Johnson’s latest incident with a woman at a nightclub. Apparently Larry thought a woman had gotten too close to him, so he decided to stiff arm her in the face.

(Three seconds later, she was DEAD)

It wasn’t Larry’s first episode with a woman, as he has been accused of waving his gun at an ex-girlfriend during a fight in 2003 — which he ended up spending time in a domestic violence diversion program for — and in 2005 he had charges filed against him for pushing another woman to the ground at a Kansas City bar. Oh, and it also wasn’t the last episode between Larry and a woman. Guess what he did this weekend while under suspension.

From ESPN:

Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson is being investigated for allegedly spitting a drink in a woman’s face at a nightclub, the fourth time in five years he’s been accused of assaulting a woman.

Kansas City police are looking into a report of nonaggravated assault against Johnson for telling a woman that he was going to kill her boyfriend then spitting in her face at Club Blonde on Oct. 10.

Ashley Stewart, 24, told police she had left the nightclub in Kansas City’s Country Club Plaza district but re-entered around 1:45 a.m. to find a friend. Johnson, who had tried to buy her a drink at the same club a week earlier, asked the friend to have Stewart come over, according to the police report.

Johnson got close to Stewart while swinging his arms belligerently, then said, “All I wanted [to] tell you is I’m going to kill your boyfriend,” the report said.

After Stewart didn’t take too kindly to Larry’s attempt to impress her and started backing away, he spit his drink in her face, which is not a good way to pick up women. In fact, after consulting the book Getting Laid for Dummies — I have a copy for, um, research — it says right there on page 15 under “Things That Won’t Get You Laid”: Don’t spit your drink in her face.

Ironically enough, under “Things That Will Get You Laid” it says being a professional athlete will help.

Of course, who knows how much longer that’s going to be true for Larry. Through all of his previous run-ins with the ladies, the NFL has stayed out of it. I’m pretty sure Roger Goodell isn’t going to ignore this incident, especially considering the timing of it with his latest arrest.

Larry will probably be getting a few more weeks off, and if I’m a woman in Kansas City, I’m avoiding the clubs on those weekends.