Lance Armstrong: Rested & Ready To Sex You Up

Recently, Lance Armstrong took time out from pleasing the ladies to speak with MEN’S JOURNAL about, well, pleasing the ladies.

Lance Armstrong

Apparently, riding a bike all day long is really bad for your sex drive, so now that the seven-time Tour de France champion has retired, it’s go time.

Armstrong doesn’t go on a lot of real dates. “I think it’s hard for me, or for anyone in my position, to call someone up and say, ‘Hey, can I take you on a date?’” he says. “It’s never like that. I meet people casually, while hanging out with friends, so there’s less pressure.”

Sex is something he enjoys, because he didn’t get much of it on the Tour. “I had sex if I had the energy. I wasn’t one of those guys who believed in the myths about the guy losing his chi,” says Armstrong. “But the fact is that if you are riding your bike five, six, seven hours a day, you are not a sex champion. You’re just not. You have fatigue, low testosterone, and a lower libido.” He grins. “But you know, I never got any complaints.”

Seems like a fair trade-off. Work till your mid-30s, retire, and spend the rest of your life making time with the ladies. Except Ashley Olsen — Armstrong denies that one (as well he should).

Seriously, though, what other place on the planet would a guy who rides a bike for a living end up filthy rich & dating celebrities full time? Nowhere, of course, which is why everyone hates America but would give a testicle to move here. Weird.