LA Lakers Parade: Kevlar Snuggies For Everyone!

As I told you last night from ground zero of the post-Lakers Los Angeles riot, the LAPD was woefully understaffed to control the crowd. When I was there, before sundown, the crowd was relatively peaceable. But that’s when there were still actual fans celebrating the team’s accomplishment.

Lakers Parade Promotional Baby Snuggie Comes With Handy Hidden Bladder For Ancient Age Lover In Your Life!

(Lakers Parade Promotional Baby Snuggie Comes With A Handy Stitched-In Bladder For The Months-Old Ancient Age Lover In Your Life!)

The looting and destruction that later ensued had nothing to do with the Lakers - the perpetrators could’ve cared less about the earlier events in Orlando. I actually was mistaken last night when I implied that most of the bad acts had trucked in from East L.A. and Compton. Turns out, East L.A. had its own, uneventful turnout and South Central was also all quiet.

LAPD or Reno 911 Back In Production?

(SbB Scoops VARIETY: Reno 911 Back In Production!)

The bad acts downtown were mainly local Latinos living in surrounding neighborhoods, with much of the criminal activity, which went largely unchecked by the LAPD, meted out by illegal alien gang members.  (LAPD Chief William Bratton made that clear on Monday.)

Would You Bring Your Wife And Kids To The Lakers Parade In Downtown L.A.?

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Next up is the victory parade on Wednesday. It’ll cost upwards of $2M in taxpayer funds to pay for the *festivities*, which will stretch from Staples to the L.A. Coliseum. Of course, that route also happens to run right through Latino gang neighborhoods. The same neighborhoods that hoodlums spilled out of and into Sunday night’s debacle. Yay!

If all that doesn’t have you ready to pack a lunch and pull up a lawn chair on Figueroa, then you just aren’t a true Laker fan. (And your three-day waiting period isn’t up.)

Those parade particulars mean that except for downtown cubicle jockeys looking to skip work early, and your friendly neighborhood immigration control S.W.A.T. team, a good many of Wednesday’s attendees will be the same illegal alien gang members who looted and burned downtown three days earlier.

LAPD Chief William Bratton was crowing today about stepped up enforcement at the parade, noting that his troops will be on the lookout for the same gang members who perpetrated crimes on Sunday. But wait, if the police positively indentified the lawbreakers that night, why weren’t they arrested then?

Answer: Again, LAPD was understaffed and not in a position to haul in more than a mere eight low-lifes that evening. EIGHT!

Sneaker Store Looted But Jalapeno Poppers Remain Thoroughly Intact

(Loot $150K of vintage sneakers and gas stations if you will, but DON’T EVEN THINK about disturbing Golic’s daily post-show gross of Jalapeno Poppers)

The most appalling part of all of this is that local taxpayers will be asked to foot a seven-figure bill for the parade, which will feature participation from a good many in-country folks who pay exactly zero taxes. (And soak up social services around the clock.)

For all of you here in L.A. who say that writing that makes me a racist, I ask you: Planning to park the the wifey and kiddos at 12th and Fig for hours on end tomorrow?

Oh wait, I totally forgot about the new line of Kevlar Snuggies! My bad.

This whole thing reminds me of listening to an interview a couple years ago with Greg Papa, the radio play-by-play guy for the Raiders. Papa was asked if he thought Raiders fans get a bad rap for their destructive behavior in the stands. Of course, the broadcaster answered by defending the lunatics who help Alzheimer Al cut his paycheck.

But then Papa was asked if he allowed his then 12-year-old son to attend Raider home games.

To Papa’s credit, he told the truth. (NO.)

Based on the woefully slow police reax to Sunday’s nights downtown disgrace, it appears we here in Los Angeles aren’t ready to face up to a similar truth just yet.

On the bright side, if the LAPD screw it up again on Wednesday, there’s always Los Doyers this October!