Benefit of Being Bears’ #1 QB: Love From Lohan

You know, in many ways, being named the starting quarterback of the Chicago Bears is kind of like being the one inmate on death row that’s voted most likely to succeed. Sure, you won, but in the end, all you’re going to do is lose.

Kyle Orton Lindsay Lohan

Apparently there are benefits to being the Bears starter that I wasn’t aware of, and those benefits aren’t just free neckbeard combs & all the free Jack Daniels you can chug. No, apparently the job also comes with the admiration of America’s newest favorite lesbian, Lindsay Lohan. She saw Kyle Orton’s dance moves on display over the weekend, and she came away impressed.


Also spied dancing with an attractive blonde at Crimson Lounge: new Bears quarterback Kyle Orton — dubbed ‘’super-hot” by [Lindsay] Lohan, [Samantha] Ronson and [Cyndi] Lauper, who all admired the NFL player’s dance-floor moves.

Okay, there’s no way that Lohan could have meant it. It’s just not possible, and there has to be a reasonable explanation for all of this.

The Lohan Wants The Neckbeard

I think it’s pretty obvious that Lindsay was hurt by the news that Michael Phelps has recently hooked up with Australian swimmer and part time sexy cop Stephanie Rice. After all, when asked about Phelps recently she said she thought he was hot, and that she wanted to meet him.

Then a few days later she hears the news that Phelps is with Rice, and it no doubt broke her little heart. So she needed to figure out a way to get some revenge on Phelps, and is there anything more insulting than having a girl drop you for Kyle Orton? Well, yeah, losing a quarterback competition to him probably hurts too.

I wonder what Lindsay would think of Rex Grossman’s dance moves? You know, the one where he takes two steps, trips over his own feet and throws his dance partner into the arms of another man?