Kimbo Slice Will Bring The Gun Show Right To You

Recall that it was only about 18 months ago that the Kimbo Slice mystique had yet to be shattered by total whodat Seth Petruzelli, and he was still just a really, really terrifying individual with a giant beard. Even his name was scary, since it conjured up images of knife murder, which you absolutely cannot rule out around that man.

Kimbo Gun
(WOW THAT IS A REAL GUN)

Well, once he got the ol’ KTFO from Petruzelli, Slice bounced around the fringes of fighting fame for a quick minute, and now he’s trying to work his way back through TUF, which, whatever, right? Turns out he took the training seriously - seriously enough to up the ante from actual arms to firearms.

From CAGEWRITER:

We’ve heard countless stories of what a great dude Kimbo is and then comes a doozy from Ultimate Fighter 10 castmate Justin Wren. When Wren was asked about “the beard contract clause” stories that emerged yesterday, he suggested Kimbo laid down the law early on with a story from training sessions at American Top Team in South Florida (2:15 mark):

“He got arm-barred and Kimbo really doesn’t like to tap. He didn’t tap and the guy hurt his arm so he came back in there with a gun,” Wren told TapouT radio. “Cops were called and everyone went nuts.”

What’s strange is that this is all subtext to the fact that Kimbo Slice freaking sucks at fighting these days. He’s getting arm-barred, but he doesn’t want to tap, so he… threatens to shoot someone? For doing, y’know, normal MMA things? Further, this from earlier in the week:

It’s kind of surprising to hear Tiki [Ghosn] talk about how rudimentary Kimbo Slice’s skills are. What exactly did Bas Rutten and Randy Khatami do when they worked with Kimbo? Or did he just not work on anything but striking? Tiki says Kimbo’s lack of skills were surprising: “He can punch, we all know he can punch but he doesn’t know anything about MMA. He didn’t know how to sprawl. He didn’t know how to get out of a takedown.”

It just seems remarkable that there could be such unbelievable deficiencies in his game and he could still have spent time at the highest level (or second-highest, depending on what Dana White wants to say about it. In the highest echelon, we’ll say that.

It sounds almost like if Matt Stairs were a baseball player, but there was no outfield or DH to hide him in.

Scout: “So is he good?”
Coach: “Well, he can rake, that’s for sure.”
Scout: “Well, how’s his defense? This sport is comprised of nothing but shortstops and second basemen on defense, after all, seeing as how this author’s going to torture the analogy in order to squeeze a point out of it.”
Coach: (looks at Matt Stairs’ softball physique and cries)

Seriously, for a sport that requires such multi-dimensional discipline and training, Kimbo’s one-trick-pony act isn’t going to get him very far. Shame, really, because that man can punch a hole in a horse with a jab, and the sport could always use some more violent annihilations.