• Lawyers ask not to bring up Barry Bonds’ testicles during testimony.

• A-Rod’s needle-happy unnamed cousin has finally been found.

• Verne Gagne may have beaten his nursing home roommate to death.

• Penn State & Illinois were very offensive with their offense last night.

• SI swimsuit models want to help you make it big with your Big Nut Bar.

• The Harlem Globetrotters hope you don’t raze the roof until they’ve had a chance to play a game on it.

• How about naming the new Cowboys home Salvation Army Stadium?

• One Boston writer believes the Red Sox should say farewell to Fenway.

• And the winner of today’ kangaroo golf caption contest is…

The Real BPR, with this submission: Golf’s new version of the instant replay hood was not well-received by most tour pros.

Thanks for playing. A new contest will be teed up tomorrow.