John Kerry, New Friend to Psycho Baseball Fans

John Kerry, who announced earlier this week that he wasn’t going to be among the dozens of Democrats throwing away their careers on another presidental race, has instead found a new way to ease into oblivion: As the Ralph Nader of baseball fans.


The Massachusetts senator says this new deal to give the “Extra Innings” pay-per-view package exclusively to DirecTV goes against the very heart of the democratic process.

“I am opposed to anything that deprives people of reasonable choices,” Kerry said in a statement. “In this day and age, consumers should have more choices, not fewer. I’d like to know how this serves the public - a deal that will force fans to subscribe to DirecTV in order to tune in to their favorite players. A Red Sox fan ought to be able to watch their team without having to switch to DirecTV.”

A Red Sox fan will more than likely be switching to another channel on DirecTV to get away from another painful memory etched into their brain.

Kerry plans to bring it up to the chairman of the Federal Communications Commission at today’s hearing in Washington, right after he sends an intern out to Best Buy to find him a dish for his office.