Joey Barton Might Be Coming Back To Premiership

If the name Joey Barton doesn’t ring a bell, that’s okay. Not everyone’s a soccer fan. Here’s a good, quick primer: he’s like the Ty Cobb of soccer, except nowhere near as good as Ty Cobb.

Joey Barton High Tackle
(C’mon, ref, no dismemberment, no foul!)

So despite a career that included a six-month prison stay after assaulting a random guy outside a McDonald’s, a four-month suspended sentence for beating up teammate Ousmane Dabo, for some reason, Bolton (the soccer club, not this guy) is thinking of bringing him back to the Premiership. For a good idea of how dirty a player Barton is, that tackle shown above is in the video after the jump.

UNPROFESSIONAL FOUL, the venerable soccer blog, already had made a practice of referring to the soccer club as “Stupid F–king Bolton” (and without the dashes). So as you can probably imagine, they’re not very thrilled about this news:

The manager confirmed “an interest in Newcastle’s rebellious midfielder.”

Johnny Lydon was rebellious. Barton is worthless scum. 

[…] He made his season debut as a second half sub against Arsenal and had been on the pitch all of about 30 seconds when he tried to put his foot through Samir Nasri’s femur.

Barton’s Wikipedia page must be edited by his mom as it laughingly described the incident thusly: “Shortly into this return game, Barton was involved in an incident with Samir Nasri, putting in a hard but fair challenge, for which the referee did not give a foul.”

That’s because the ref didn’t see it.

Well then.

Seriously, though, soccer might be the only professional sport where this type of athlete isn’t personally banned by the commissioner. And by that I mean pistol-whipped.

I mean, David Stern won’t let you step off the sideline if your teammates get into a fight. Roger Goodell will fine you tens of thousands of dollars for celebrating with the football as a prop. Bud Selig… well, okay, there hasn’t been a tough guy in baseball since like 1957, so that doesn’t matter.