Let’s face it, Joe Torre is no Jim Bouton, and “The Yankee Years” is certainly no “Ball Four.” But the two tell-all memoirs share more in common than the ability to piss off a lot of people.
Tom Hoffarth of the LOS ANGELES DAILY NEWS has done the dirty work and combed through “Ball Four” to find all the references to Torre, a first baseman/catcher with the Cardinals at the time. What he did find is more entertaining than anything in “The Yankee Years,” but I think we’re all thankful for that, considering it involved “Joe Torre with tits.”
“Jim Pagliaroni joined the club tonight and is going to be a welcome addition. He was describing a girl that one of the ballplayers had been out with and said, ‘It’s hard to say exactly what she looked like. She was kind of a Joe Torre with tits.’ This joke can only be explained with a picture of Joe Torre. But I’m not sure any exist. he dissolves camera lenses.”
Trust me, it’s my respect for the readership rather than my shoddy photoshop skills that are keeping me from throwing Torre’s head on Scarlett Johansson’s body. You’re welcome.
“A lot of times during the exhibition season you change your clothes in the hotel because there are no clubhouse facilities. So you go down to the lobby in your shower slippers, carrying your spikes in your hand. On this day (back in spring training), we’re told Joe Torre of the Cardinals swears, his roomate, already leaving with spikes in his hand, picked up a girl in the corridor and in a matter of moments, had talked her into his bed. The quote from Torre: ‘The last thing I remember seeing was my roommate screwing this broad and all he had on was his baseball socks and shower slippers.’”
C’mon Joe, I know there’s good stuff like this about the Yankee dynasty, like that time David Wells found out he brought home a tranny, but didn’t stop, and that time Alex Rodriguez had to go on the DL after trying to make love to his reflection in a mirror.
“What’s the big deal? It isn’t as if Joe Torre is revealing things that people didn’t know,” Bouton told the New York Daily News.” Why in the world anyone is still talking about the sanctity of the clubhouse is beyond me. Baseball and the Yankees should feel lucky that this book is generating so much attention in January… there is no job hitting a ball with a stick unless a lot of people are convinced it’s important … Books are going to be written. Therefore, don’t act like a jerk.”