Somewhere, in a secret library not accessible to non-famous types (Scientology Celebrity Centre, maybe?), there is a book titled The Celebrity Guide To Handling Embarrassing Legal Trouble. We’ve never seen this book but we’re pretty sure it has to exist. How else do you explain every single celebrity working from the same script after getting arrested? Deny, deny, deny…all the way up until you’re caught. Then apologize, cry, invoke God, and claim you’ve learned your lesson just by getting caught. It’s like a naughty 5-year old with millions of dollars and a coke habit.
Take former NFL WR Jimmy Smith, for instance. Last year, Smith was popped for DUI and pot possession. Hardly the worst offenses on the planet, but the combination of the two would likely land a less-prominent defendant in the clink. For the Jaguars’ all-time leading receiver, however? Can you say “celebrity status?”
You don’t have to be rich or famous to have a lawyer weasel your way out of responsibility for your actions - we can all do that, and of course Smith had his lawyer negotiate a sentence involving the celebrity penance trifecta (fines + probation + community service). That’s not the galling part. The galling part was Smith’s crocodile tears about the whole incident, according to the JACKSONVILLE TIMES-UNION:
“My life became unmanageable,” Smith, 40, told the Times-Union after pleading no-contest to misdemeanor charges of drunken driving and possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. “Had that police officer not stopped me, I could have been dead or I could have run over somebody like my colleague, Donté Stallworth.”
Yeah, that stop changed Smith’s life so much, he went out 8 months later and got himself nabbed for possession of crack cocaine. The prosecutors working that latter case in Mississippi will surely be interested in hearing how much Smith’s DUI changed his life. Enjoy that probation while you can, Jimmy. Might be the freest time you have for years.
Now that he’s felt the gentlest of blows from the velvet hammer of the celebrity justicesystem, Smith is claiming the arrest woke him up and changed his life for the better. In fact, the arrest changed his life so much he was busted for possession of crack