News Item: As part of a decision made during the Brett Favre recruiting process, Eric Mangini and his lovely wife have named their third son Zach Brett Mangini. Mazel tov to the Mangini family!
If you will, we have just a few brief comments on the matter. Ahem.
- The newborn was intercepted by Charles Woodson as he left the birth canal and taken back to the Mangini house for a touchdown.
- Not, of course, before the new little love of their life tried to crawl back into the womb three times before winking at the doctor as if to say, “Just kidding! I love this life too much to quit.”
- Joe Namath made a special guest star appearance during the conception.
- While the Manginis opted for a natural childbirth, Tom Coughlin pulled his latest child fully-formed from his forehead three weeks ago. That child just scored her second touchdown.
- The Manginis have put their first child, Chad, up for adoption.
- Zach used three times as much epidural as Mom.
- John Madden will be the godfather, christening the child with tough actin’ Tinactin.
- Red Bank (NJ) High School has already awarded Zach a perfect attendance award, figuring it’s a done deal now.
- Medicine cannot explain how little Zach Brett Mangini could be born wearing Wrangler jeans.
- ESPN already has three video tributes in the works to somehow describe the courage little Zach will show by simply going to school every day and enduring Brett Favre jokes.
- Of course, this kind of recruiting pressure trickles down to the college ranks. Nick Saban has promised to let his new blue-chip recruits impregnate his wife as well as name the child.
- Zach’s twin brother, Regan Aaron, still resides in the womb, waiting for someone to notice him.
Okay, so we’re stopping now. We could really do this all day. Keep those birthin’ hips strong, Eric; we’ll be back in 10 months for another go ’round.
(Wait, he’s not the one that was pregnant? Awk-ward.)