• THE SCORES REPORT declassifies news that the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets were infiltrated by S-P-I-E-S from the P-A-T-S, Pats, Pats, Pats:
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• YOU BEEN BLINDED asks if you got milk (to spit at your friends for a Toyota contest).
• AOL FANHOUSE warns Florida Gators fans not to chomp and drive.
• THE BIG LEAD wants to know where in the world is Stephen A. Smith:
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• Can you smellllllll what the GHOSTS OF WAYNE FONTES are cooking, with their picks of the best WWF/E wrestling entrances.
• Peter May of the BOSTON GLOBE feels the pangs of patriotism, as many NBA European players want to suit up for their national teams in the offseason.
