GARCIA PICKED OFF BY DRATTED SHIPPING AND HANDLING: There’s a good reason why ESPN is the 800-lb gorilla (no, not Chris Berman) in the hairy-knuckled, pit-stained sports media sauna: The network is the consumate expert at feeding the sports fan precisely what he/she truly desires.

The best example we can cite is last week’s SportsCenter day-in-the-life feature on Brett Farve Tom Brady Donovan McNabb Y.A. Title Jeff Garcia. Now that’s a quality get!

Sadly, we missed the airing - instead spending the evening scoring some extra cash cleaning lint filters at the local laundry coin-op. But thankfully, the kind souls at CLEVELAND SCENE chronicled the scene for us.

Highlight: “Garcia spots a kid wearing a No. 5 Browns jersey and says, apparently seriously, ‘That’s a classic jersey right there. That’s a collector’s item,. You can’t find those anymore‘

“The kid’s face is blank. Apparently Garcia thinks every one of his jerseys was sold out during the 47 minutes he was in Cleveland.

You know a jersey is real collector’s item on Ebay when the shipping cost is over half the value of the asking price. Well at least Mr. DeCesare has his mad rug-cutting skiLLz to fall back on.