One of the greatest unique cultural institutions in our great nation is that of the traditional college town. America, in all its glory, is the only nation on Earth that felt the need to construct hundreds of cities that solely exist as monuments to the avoidance of responsibility and acceptance of binge drinking - and let’s face it, that’s pretty much what undergrad is for. On top of the students, college towns are full of bizarro characters who never got the message that the binge drinking and responsibility-avoiding is supposed to end at some point.
One notable example of this sort of character is the man residing in Lawrence, Kansas who calls himself “White Owl.” You may remember him from the Kansas Jayhawks’ breakout 2007 football season, during which the crazy old coot got more camera time (if not space) than Mark Mangino. White Owl turned the camera time into a sort of lasting fame in Lawrence. He was briefly engaged to a KU student and made money off his notoriety in a variety of odd ways. But now, his happy relationship with the Jayhawks might be coming to an end as he claims he’s been banned from KU’s campus for the summer and beyond.
We’re going to have to take this all with a couple very large grains of salt, since it would appear that White Owl hasn’t had a full head of marbles in quite some time. But nonetheless, THE PITCH was on the scene:
White Owl is spreading his sad(?) story of persecution at the hands of shadowy people. In the latest edition of THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN, White Owl claims that a nameless woman representing KU’s administration told him that the school’s leaders “absolutely hated” him. So did a couple of meanies on the Facebook.
White Owl claimed he was heartbroken enough that he wanted to run away to California — 42 years too late. He only made it as far as Topeka — about 30 miles — before “God” told him to go back.
University officials are denying that any of this happened, of course, but we prefer to believe it did, just because we love a good conspiracy theory. We’ll call BS on one thing though - it doesn’t take an act of divine intervention for someone to want to leave Topeka. Take it away, White Owl: