In a shocking scandalous expose, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED have documents proving that two members of the 2008 Jamaican Olympic track team received shipments for “performance-enhancing drugs through an Internet distribution network.” Fortunately, neither one of them is Usain Bolt. In fact, both of them are hippoty-hoppity hurdlers!
The two players in question are Delloreen Ennis-London, a 33-year-old who finished 5th in the 100-meter hurdles in Beijing, and 25-year-old Adrian Findlay, who was an alterate for the 400-meter hurdles. Apparently, steroids don’t make that much of a difference.
The documents state that between June 2006 and February 2007, two shipments of Somatropin (Human Growth Hormone, HGH) and one shipment of Triest (Estrogen) were sent to Delloreen London, at a Texas address that traces to the athlete Delloreen Ennis-London; the birth date on the document matches the athlete’s as well, though the document lists the person’s gender as male.
The documents also indicate that in November 2006, a shipment of Testosterone, Testosterone Aqueous, and Oxandrolone (an oral steroid) were sent to Adrian Findlay, an alternate on the Jamaican Olympic team in the 400-meter hurdles. The drugs were sent to a North Carolina address that traces to Findlay; the birth date on the document matches the athlete’s as well.
Not that we’re implying anything here, but all of this comes in the wake of the news today that Asafa Powell, another member of the Jamaican track team, ran the second-fastest 100 meters in the world, clocking in at 9.72. The fastest, of course, was the 9.69 by Usain Bolt in Beijing.
Our guess as to why Jamaicans are so fast? They spend their youth running from that horrible “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” song, which is blasted 24/7 at the all-inclusive tourist resorts. Bobby McFerrin, Jamaican me crazy!