It’s Only $95 To Watch Zero-Sum Huskers Football

So, let’s just get one thing out of the way. College football scrimmages are a waste of time. There it is. I’m sure there’s some degree of comfort fans might get by seeing their favorite collegiate athletes wear colored helmets and block and tackle some … well, other players on the same team, since there is about a seven-month buffer zone between the end of one season and the start of the next one. (Eight if your team is bad.)

Nebraska Cornhusker spring game is $95

But is the same amount of solace taken by the fact that, if you’re a Nebraska Cornhuskers fan, and you want to see Bo Pelini “coach” his first NU game since being named head dog this weekend, is it comforting to know you might be paying upwards of 95 bucks?

That’s more than the same third-party vendors are selling for various regular season games. Or as it’s more commonly known, “actual football.”

In actual football, Nebraska Cornhuskers players will (assumedly) make great football plays against other amateur athletes in different-colored jerseys, and the fans will cheer. Then they will cringe if a Husker gets burned deep or sacked. Everyone already knows how this works.

But when Nebraska offense plays Nebraska defense … technically, every play is an offsetting result. A great move by a running back also means a bad read by the linebacker. A great sack is equal to bad blocking. Points scored is also points allowed. And so on.

NU students are already paying a fortune to learn about Newton’s Third Law of Motion. Why drop almost three figures to see it demonstrated for them in plain sight? Lab fees for NU students are almost 50 bucks cheaper. And Omaha Springsteen show tix $56 dollars less.