It Pays To Be Rich At The Two New N.Y. Ballparks

If living in the United States my entire life has taught me anything, it’s that rich people are better than me. If you’re incredibly wealthy, people will treat you a lot differently and do things like give you your own reality television show, or make you a celebrity even though you haven’t actually done anything in life that’s worthy of attention except for forgetting to put on underwear.

Still, throughout this country’s history, there’s generally always been one place where the rich and the poor can rub elbows together and share a common interest: a baseball game.  Whether you’re a billionaire or just some slob making $25,000 a year at a crappy job, life is the same at the ballpark where both ends of the economic spectrum can stand together and tell the umpire that he’s blind.

At least that’s how it used to be.In New York, they’re opening two new stadiums this season, with the Mets’ new Citi Field opening earlier this week, and the new Yankee Stadium opening this weekend. At these new homes, it seems they’re doing everything in their power to keep the rich from even having to know the rest of us are there, lest any poor should rub off on them.


THE class structure is alive and well in New York Major League Baseball. Both new stadiums have VIP areas where owners of the highest priced seats won’t have to chafe elbows with the unwashed masses. The high rollers have their own entrances, their own bars, concession stands and restrooms that are off-limits to fans in the cheaper seats.

At the Mets’ home opener at glorious Citi Field Monday night, among those who took advantage of the exclusive Delta 360 Club were Mayor Bloomberg, Gov. Paterson, top cop Ray Kelly, Donald and Melania Trump, Drew Nieporent (who has a Nobu over left field), pharma billionaire Stewart Rahr, taxi banker Andrew Murstein, and Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, who was sharing the home-cooked chicken he brought. Also spotted: Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld and their kids, Christy Turlington and Ed Burns, and Matthew Broderick and his son.

They’re so important they can’t even take a leak next to us. Apparently if one of us poor folk caught some splashback from Donald Trump we might develop a keen business sense and a bad combover, and the next thing you know we’d have even more money and power. The joke is on them, however, because I don’t have the slightest clue who Drew Nieporent, Stewart Rahr, and Andrew Murstein are, so suck on that. How much does your money mean to you now that you know you’re not important? A lot? Still? Damn.

Well, if you don’t mind me, I’m going to go back to hanging with the unwashed masses where we’ll all continue plotting your demise. Viva la revolution!