It’s not a good time to be related to Isiah Thomas, notwithstanding all the free popcorn you can eat. First his 17-year-old daughter is thrown under the bus when he puts the blame on her for an accidental overdose. Now his ne’er-do-well brother finds himself in trouble for urinating on a church.

Police in Clarendon Hills, Ill., arrested Preston Thomas last week for public urination at Notre Dame Parish. Early theories include a misguided effort to participate in Isiah Thomas’ old IU-Notre Dame rivalry, or an attempt to emulate his younger brother in urinating all over something beloved by many people. The police report doesn’t mention alcohol, but it does give one mindboggling detail that we’ll attempt to break down, after the jump.

Preston Thomas was jailed back in 1992 for “delivery” of crack cocaine, but seems to have stayed off the police blotter since. So what would possess a man to urinate on a house of worship? And more bafflingly, what would possess him to do it at 9:00 am on a Thursday?

Far be it from me to wildly speculate, but here’s some wild speculation. Thanks to our helpful Google Map, we see that Thomas’ house(A) is across the his local country club. After walking for a mile, he came across Notre Dame(B), did his dirty deeds, and when spotted by students and teachers at the church school, retreated through the parking lot back toward the country club, where he was arrested(C).

Did he walk to the church for morning services, and the running baptismal font made him have to go? Or was he golfing, and couldn’t make it back to the clubhouse when nature called? Did his caddy triple-dog dare him?

What do you think?