Under Armour Issues 200,000-Athletic Cup Recall

Under Armour has recalled all their athletic cups from the last three years (over 200,000 in all) for serious flaws. Gentlemen of all ages (including those in the Dixie cup range) should skedaddle to their local Under Armour outlet for a $20 voucher while holding a square of sheet metal in front of their crotches.


What’s the rush? At least five cups have broken recently, according to the company, including “an injury involving cuts and bruising”. This is in the press release, so you know it’s more like standing next to a window during a tornado with your hips thrusted defiantly at the glass.

But you may be more surprised to know why we only found out today about the danger to the dangly bits of America.

Under Armour released very positive first quarter numbers Tuesday, including a 27% net revenue increase, and bragged about finally becoming a force to be reckoned with in the shoe department. Can’t have everyone still talking about their intense groinological pain during the day of joy, can we?

So questions remain: how long did Under Armour wait to issue the voluntary recall to protect their own very sensitive area - their stock price? Were any additional people put at risk? Do we really need to wear this cup while blogging, Brooks? It seems excessive…