You’ve got to feel sorry for incoming Iowa State football coach Paul Rhoads. He inherits a team that avoided the three best Big XII teams (Texas, Oklahoma, Texas Tech)… and still went 0-8 in conference play. When we say they suck, we mean it: Iowa State sucks. So what’s their big plan to turn this ship around and bring the glory back to Cyclone Nation*??? Open tryouts!
(This won’t happen.)
We’re not sure why Iowa State’s doing this. ISU draws most of its students from the state of Iowa, where the level of talent is already pretty low–and that’s before all the schools in state pick over the talent. Like some ag tech kid is going to walk onto the field and run a 4.3 out of nowhere? Like the next Brett Favre is slaving away in a computer lab? Come on. Marky Mark’s not walking through that door!
So while it seems, so far, that this is a thinly veiled publicity stunt, the press release doesn’t seem that way at all. Like… we think they’re serious about this. There’s no, “Hey, Cyclone fans! You think you’ve got what it takes?? Come on out, etc. etc.” about it or anything. Here’s the release, linked above, in its entirety:
AMES, Iowa – Current ISU students interested in trying out for the Cyclone football team can meet with the football staff about that opportunity at 4 p.m. Thursday in the Hunziker Auditorium of the Jacobson Athletic Building. Each individual must bring a copy of their current physical and insurance card.
“Each individual.” That’s how serious they’re taking this: they’re apparently not restricting it to men. That’s all for the better, too; anyone familiar with the quality of ISU co-eds knows that Rhoads can walk into the local ZTA sorority and totally re-stock his offensive line. 6′5″, 370 across the board with those hogmollies.
Oh, and by the way, if you ever want to see the mindset of a beaten-down, defeated fanbase, it’s the ISU fan message boards. One of the very first comments on this story over there: “It never hurts to look.” Only when your pride has long since packed its bags and left you for a better place, people. Good gracious, your team sucks.
*By “Cyclone Nation,” of course, we mean “the city of Ames, Iowa.”
7:42 pm on February 15th, 2009
How quick you are to poke fun at a struggling football team. Yes, the team is in Iowa. Yes, the talent there may not rank very well in comparison to other more traditional football powerhouse states like Texas, Florida, etc. But, given those odds we had quite a string of bowl games under Dan McCarney. People are quick to poke fun and we are used to it. My wife is a Georgia grad and I am "so lucky" to live in Ohio where everyone and their mother is a Buckeye fan even if they don't so much as have a neighbor who actually attended Ohio State. College football is now more than ever a money game and teams like Iowa State will never be able to compete against the likes of Texas, Oklahoma, Florida, Georgia, or USC. Check out the athletic budgets. We also enjoy playing games in real football weather. I'd love to see one of the aforementioned teams trade locations with us for a year and see how well they fair in the games and in the recruitment of top athletes. If I was picking schools, the last place I would want to play is in a cold weather state like Iowa if I had a choice to play in the south or on the west coast. Even the Big 10 (or 11) has hit the skids as of late. But, one thing I know for sure and that is you will not find a more dedicated fan base that enjoys a good tailgate before an average football game. If we win, fantastic. If we lose, we were supposed to. We may not have the same winning traditions that other schools do and yet we still show up game after game, year after year. We are real fans and you can continue to make fun of us or our beloved Cyclones all you want. By the way, our mascot kicked your ass.
10:08 pm on February 15th, 2009
Iowa State has the second-worst football program in the country.(Note: I-State might be the worst. But let's give the Cyclones the benefit of the doubt.)
10:31 pm on February 15th, 2009
Say what you will, I'd rather die a slow death as a Cyclone than live a long life as a Hawkeye…
1:33 am on February 16th, 2009
i SO agree with Ohio Cyclone. thank you for putting my thoughts into words. :) you've saved me the trouble.
12:32 pm on February 16th, 2009
Sorry, Cyclones, but you'll always be second-class in the HAWKEYE State.
8:57 pm on February 25th, 2009
Hey Adam, or is it Eve, you shunt! You don't have a clue what it takes to be a Cyclone fan. We beat a lot of different teams in different years, like the Hawkeyes, be it football or wrestling, etc. We still show up when things are down, because we are real fans, unlike you, who obviously follows teams that are pretty much going to win most of their games each year. Get a life, you big loser!! By the way, Go Cyclones!!!