India’s Cricket Coach Encourages Sticky Wickets

For years the so-called experts have claimed that sex is detrimental to sports performance; many coaches even forbidding their players to partake in carnal pleasures the day before a game. But this theory doesn’t fly with Indian cricket coach Gary Kirsten. His orders to his squad for the week leading to their huge showdown with Pakistan — sex it up!

Kirsten evidently wrote a “secret memo” to his team advocating lots and lots of humpty hump to boost testosterone levels. And because every country that was once ruled by Britain has at least one tabloid-style gossip newspaper, this memo leaked and is now in the public domain. And it includes a pretty amusing portion about what to do if no partner is available.

India takes on super-rival Pakistan in the first match of the Champions Trophy on Saturday, and Kirsten is pulling out all the stops, so to speak.

The large-selling broadsheet HINDUSTAN TIMES, which claimed to have a copy of the document, said the relevant chapter was headlined “Does sex increase performance?”.

“Yes it does, so go ahead and indulge,” the document said, before detailing the benefits of a good sex life and even suggesting “going solo” if no partners were available.

“From a physiological perspective, having sex increases testosterone levels, which cause an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness,” the document said. 

Sex and cricket may seem like strange bedfellows — you’ll wrinkle your slacks! — but actually the two are quite well acquainted. You’ve got your hot girls flashing the camera, your British Sixploitation films … there are even cricket cheerleaders.

And of course there’s Australian bowler Shane Warne, who in 2007 texted his wife by mistake with a message meant for his girlfriend. That one’s an enduring classic. Not as classic as those Lara Bingle topless photos, however.

Lara Bingle