Speed Read: Lions Fans As Horrid As Their Team

“She gets mad/Starts to cry/She takes a swing but/She can’t hit/She don’t mean no harm/She just don’t know/What else to do about it” - “Jane Says” by Jane’s Addiction

Most people assume that Jane’s Addiction’s seminal alt-rock ballad “Jane Says” is about their hometown of Los Angeles. It isn’t. It’s actually about Detroit, where lead singer Perry Farrell lived for some time.

Detroit Lions fan arrest

It’s not actually about the Detroit Lions or their female fans, but the lyrics seem incredibly appropriate when watching this video from Sunday of a pair of loaded Lions fans making total asses of themselves after pouring beer on the head of a fan before getting hauled off by police to what was probably the biggest applause of the day:

(Editor’s note: The original YouTube video has been taken down by it user. But here is aftermath video of one of the Lions lady fans being led away by security.)

There are so many deliriously wonderful things happening in that 3:43 video that it’s almost impossible to get to them all. Some of my favorite moments include:

  • …how the two women go back and forth from being “the calm one” and “the violently irrational one” like Sally Field playing “Sybil”.
  • …whatever motion the one in the lighter blue shirt was making about 1:20 in. (Seriously, was she patting her belly? What is that supposed to imply?)
  • …the thumbs up that their “rival” gives them as they are being hauled off to the stony lonesome and the look of utter glee on his face as this is happening.
  • …my personal favorite: the bemused grin that the larger man in the No. 80 Lions jersey gives the pair as they are getting hauled away. When someone wearing a Charles Rogers jersey thinks that your behavior is inexcusable, you’ve really crossed a line.

Going from inexcusable to just unbelievable, guess which Pac-10 school is pushing ahead with plans to upgrade their stadium with 2,200 high-priced luxury seats? Of course it’s Washington State, because there’s no better time than when you’re in the middle of a 3-13 skid and your attendance is in the toilet to start thinking about pouring money into a stadium expansion.

Washington State Cougars fans

(This isn’t just a snapshot - these were all the Washington State fans at the game.)

Actually, that’s what AD Jim Sterk told the SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER. Seriously:

“That’s all the more reason to go forward with this,” Sterk contended. “There is a direct correlation to upgrading facilities and leveling the playing field.”

Yes, because it’s the stadium that’s keep the Cougars from becoming an elite college football team. I would tend to think that there’s a direct correlation between being able to recruit actual Division I talent to your school and your success. Or not being located so far out in the middle of nowhere that your recruiting base consists of giant stretches of tundra. Perhaps you might want to build an actual airport within 100 miles of your school before you add the luxury boxes.

Meanwhile, the continuing assimilation of robots into our daily lives as a prelude to when they rise against us and take over the world continues apace, with one of the most popular bar table games now falling under the robot’s electronic spell. OHGIZMO! reports that Koreans have developed a new version of Foosball that takes the players off of the metal rods and replaces them with remote control models.

Marubot

Normally I support all forms of remote-controlled technology since I am a lazy simpleton too busy looking for loose Oreo cookies in my couch to actually do anything myself. But in this case, I’m frightened. If we teach robots to play soccer, then they’ll clearly start getting interested in non-American ideas like socialized medicine, drug legalization and dipping fries in mayonnaise. And who wants to see robots rolling around on the floor, clutching their mechanical knees to their chest while waiting for a red card? Call me a Luddite, but I’ll stick with guys impaled by metal rods, thanks.

  • Does anyone even listen when fighters announce their retirement anymore? The latest brawler to publicly call it quits is Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, who blogged that he’s retiring from the UFC at age 31 to concentrate on his acting career. Also, he’s apparently the latest in a line of people who have come to dislike UFC owner Dana White.
  • Rampage Jackson, Rashad Evans

    (This fight = not happening. Maybe.)

  • THE WIZ OF ODDS creator Jay Christensen penned a story for the sports gambling site COVERS discussing the news that 40 percent of sportswriters acknowledged gambling on sports. In a related story, 60 percent of all sportswriters are horrible liars.
  • Former NBA player Pooh Richardson was forced to admit in court what we reported months ago: that he received a warning from a Philadelphia police officer about an imminent drug raid that involved his half-sister.
  • In February 2008, Jeff Chaskin’s life was in ruins: he was losing his wife, eight children and career after being arrested for cocaine possession. Now, he’s trying to turn his life around by devoting his energy to other things - like being the back-up TE at Clark Atlanta University at age 42.
  • Among the places I would not expect a woman to try and flash Tim Tebow: RadioShack. Because seriously, who goes to RadioShack anymore? Was his Ham radio out of batteries?
  • Here’s a story I just don’t get: Jose Jefferson, a former head football coach at Lincoln High in Nebraska, has pleaded guilty to sending threatening letters to co-workers that “threatened death to all blacks and said one who worked there would be killed on a date in February.” This is especially confusing since Jefferson appears in his mug shot to be black himself.
  • Things can get out of hand when bitter rivals like the Minnesota State Moorhead Dragons and the Concordia Cobbers run into each other on the street. But at Taco Bell into the mix, and things are about to get extra spicy.
  • Terry Jackson, the former volleyball coach at Elkhart Central High in Indiana, learned a valuable lesson about alleged forgery: don’t steal from the Parent Teachers Organization. These people are nuts and know where every dollar is spent at all times.
  • Yes, Montreal Alouettes special teams player Joel Wright is an idiot for blowing his knee out while making a tackle during a game last week, But give the guy credit for understanding that he’s an idiot when he says that “I have no problem with (criticism) because I’d be the first one to ridicule someone who did the same thing.”
  • The Yankees became the first team to clinch a playoff spot with a 6-5 win over the Angels. Please restrain me due to all of this intense excitement. Whoo hoo.

Which MLB team currently out of a playoff spot makes it in?

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