Nothing Good Ever Happens At Denny’s Late Night

You have to give former New Mexico running back Lavon Ealy credit - even though it’s been a few years, he apparently hasn’t lost his elusiveness or his toughness. At least, judging by the fact that KOAT-TV in Albuquerque reports that he was able to almost elude police who had come to question him at his hospital room after he had been stabbed during an attempted robbery.

Denny's

(Artist’s rendering of Lavon Ealy, if the artist was on LSD)

It all started early Thursday morning at Denny’s (doesn’t it always) when Ealy stumbled in with knife wounds to his hands and back and told police he’d been jumped. (A word of advice: if you are ever looking for a cop at 4:30 a.m., find a Denny’s.) What Ealy didn’t tell police is why he’d been “jumped” - that he had “burst into an apartment on Academy, gun in hand, demanding money.”

What he got instead of money was multiple knife wounds. And when the cops decided to check out Ealy’s car, they found “a quantity of marijuana and a loaded handgun” along with several license plates and cash. They took him to the UNM hospital, but when they came back to question him, he took off on foot.

And the former high school track star showed some good speed, making it as far as the duck pond on campus before getting caught. No word on if he was thrown off by having to stop and feed the ducks or not, or why exactly UNM has a duck pond in the first place. (Having spent time in Albuquerque, I can tell you I’ve never seen a duck, unless you count the bottles of Cold Duck the hobos drink.)

So the moral of this story is: if you get stabbed while trying to rob someone, don’t go looking for cops to help you. That, and I’d probably avoid Denny’s at 4:30 in the morning, but you probably didn’t need this story to know that.