Softball Player Finds Man “Slap Hitting” Self In Car

Apparently, if you are in Santa Barbara and you want to masturbate in public, Santa Barbara City College is the place to do it. THE CHANNELS ONLINE says that a middle-aged man named Harold Hall was arrested at the parking lot of the campus’ La Playa Stadium after being spotted by a SBCC softball player in his car making merry with some moisturizer, paper towels and a copy of “Barely Legal” magazine. Talk about a “slap hitter!”

Jergens

Honestly, they have adult book stores in Santa Barbara. These people can’t pony up a few quarters and head into the movie booth to take care of their business like normal people?

The softball player spotted Hall doing his deed while parking her car in the stadium parking lot at 11 a.m. on a Thursday. When she returned to the parking lot at 12:30 p.m., the man was still in his car and still at it, so she decided to go to her softball coach, who then called campus security.

A bunch of questions here: did the softball player think it was OK that he was masturbating in his car, but then got upset because he was still there when she returned? And spending 90 minutes there? Either it was Sting practicing his Tantric sex techniques, or someone OD’ed on Viagra.

Still, I’d love to hear his explanation when campus security finally did show up, looked in his car, and found moisturizer, paper towels and a porn magazine. Is there any excuse you can give to a cop then that is going to work? If anyone has any ideas, I’d love to hear them.