Tiger Shows Grit, Heart By Knocking Up Elin Again

Remember early in 2008, when Tiger Woods decided to play a limited early-season schedule and skipped most of the PGA Tour stops ahead of the Masters? While he might have been resting his ailing knee, he apparently was also doing what most of us would have done in his situation: having sex with his Swedish model wife.

Elin Nordgren

At least, that’s how the math works out after Woods announced on his Web site that he and Elin Nordegren were expecting their second child sometime this winter. (No firm date has been given yet: presumably he’s waiting for his caddy Steve Williams to consult his book before making a decision.)

Somewhere, Jimmy Roberts is already preparing a sappy, emotional video package detailing the amount of courage and determination it took for Tiger to impregnate his wife while dealing with a sore knee, fatigue and his wife’s “headache” - while ESPN has dispatched Stuart Scott for a Sunday Conversation with Elin’s OB/GYN.

Also today, not wanting to once again be outdone by his rival, Phil Mickelson announced that not only was his wife pregnant, but that he would be nursing the newborn himself. “Let’s see Tiger give his baby the life-sustaining nutrients he or she needs straight from his body,” FIGJAM said as he pointed to luscious, milky bosom. “Top that, Tiger!”

Meanwhile, Paul Azinger announced his four “captain’s picks” for the Ryder Cup team that is going to get slaughtered by the Europeans later this month. It’s not like anyway would care anyway since Tiger isn’t playing, but really: Chad Campbell, Steve Stricker, Hunter Mahan and J.B. Holmes? Could you find four golfers people would care less about watching. It’s almost like Azinger wants people to not care abour the Ryder Cup so they won’t notice if the team gets blown out again.

On second thought, Azinger might be smarter than I thought.