In Which We Suspect Miss Universe Shenanigans

Well, predictably, my Miss Universe party last night was completely ruined — chairs overturned, onion dip on the ceiling, and once again Don Nelson was arrested for urinating in the middle of the street. The trouble began when Miss USA, Kristen Dalton (below left), failed to make the Final Five. And when Miss Venezuela won — the second straight Miss Universe victory for that country — all hell broke loose.

Krisen Dalton, Stefania Fernandez

Perhaps this is payback for Hugo Chavez agreeing not to close the golf courses near American-built oil fields, I don’t know. But there were at least six other contestants who deserved the title more (see their swimsuit photos following the jump). This is an outrage, quite frankly. The SbB investigation begins here.

Here’s the bull**** “final question” which supposedly pushed Miss Venezuela — Stefania Fernandez (above right) — over the top.

Contestants which I thought deserved it more, in descending order.

6. Miss Russia.

Miss russia

5. Miss Ethiopia

Miss Ethiopia

4. Miss Switzerland

Miss Switzerland

3. Miss France

Miss France

2. Miss Iceland

Miss Iceland

1. Miss USA

Kristen Dalton

The questions posed to the Final Five contestants are just random nonsense (one of the judges, Dean Cain, actually quoted Justin Timberlake in his). And the evening gown competition is, well, evening gowns. Let’s face it: It all comes down to swimsuits. So this contest had to be rigged. it was held in the Bahamas — there’s no regulation there whatsover! I say next year, hold it in Florida, where we can watch the voting closely. Um, wait …

But don’t fear; the US still leads all nations in all-time Miss Universe wins with seven, although the last was way back in 1997. Venezuela has six.