In March Madness, Timing Makes All The Deferens

What’s not to love about vasectomies? You get to have unprotected sex for life and you never have to worry about another mouth to feed. The only downside is that you need a few days of rest, so you might get a little bored being stuck in the house. But what if you did it when basketball was on all day?

Vas Madness

That’s the idea behind two clinics’ competing March Madness promotions
. They figured that if you’re going to be sitting around the house all day watching the tournament, you might as well have a vasectomy the day before. Can’t argue with that logic. The only problem left is choosing where you’re going to get it done: Snip City or Vas Madness. And yes, those are both awful, terrible names.

Doctors at both the Oregon Urology Institute and the Urology Team in Austin, Texas, are clearing out extra spots for their doctors to perform the minimally invasive procedure, timed to coincide with next week’s first two rounds of the tourney. They say vasectomies were up 10 percent last year for this promotion, so you’d better book now if you don’t want to get stuck watching The View and The Price Is Right during your recovery.

“You know, the thing that really spurred this whole thing is that so many men aren’t interested in sitting still very long,” said Vikki Smith, community liaison for The Urology Team, a practice with eight surgeons. “So we thought what could be a more natural combination than sitting in front of a TV set for three days and getting a vasectomy? It’s the perfect excuse to look at the wife and say, ‘Honey, I’ve got to stay on the couch for three days. Doctor’s orders.’ “

But which clinic to choose? Oregon Urology does have a little bonus: a doctor’s note!

March Madness is coming up. Schedule your vasectomy for one of the prime 24 slots during the first days of the tournament! You get a recovery kit - and most importantly - a doctor’s note stating you need to sit on the couch and watch basketball!

By the way, that “recovery kit?” It’s a cooler full of ice and bags of frozen peas to put on your achy no-no regions.

That’s pretty impressive, but they can’t match what the Urology Team has to offer: Dr. Richard (Dick) Chopp (”There’s more vasectomies to be done!“) Yes, he’s a real person. And if I’m going to get my Richard chopped, I’m going to him.