I Want Revenge Is Derby Scratch, Wants Revenge

Bedlam, horror, and panic rule the day today, as the morning-line favorite in the Kentucky Derby, I Want Revenge, was scratched from today’s race this morning. Let’s get this straight: they’re doing this to a giant, muscular animal that is actually named “I Want Revenge.” This can’t end well.

(”I also want oats. But mainly REVENGE.”)

What’s strange about his scratch is that it’s due to an ankle injury… only it isn’t. You see, I Want Revenge isn’t really hurt. Not yet, anyway. According to the AP, this came down to a routine examination and something called a “hot spot”:

The 3-year-old colt was scratched Saturday morning after trainer Jeff Mullins discovered a hot spot on the horse’s left front ankle.

An X-ray and ultrasound test did not find any damage, but the ankle was tender when it was flexed. With a wet track expected, Mullins and owner David Lanzman didn’t want to take any chances.

“When the word came out that running could hurt the horse, I looked at both doctors and said, ‘Then this is no debate,’” Lanzman said. “‘What are we talking about? We’ll fight another day.’”

A “wet track” is putting it mildly; watching the early races on ESPN, we’re fairly certain the track conditions can be classified as “a f—ing mess.”

This scratch is heartening news for those who weren’t looking for a repeat of Eight Belles‘ horrific on-track euthanization in 2008; less tickled are those who had bet on I Want Revenge and may as well have bet on, well, Eight Belles. As for revelers on the infield of Churchill Downs, they continued to drink until they passed out and vomited all over themselves. We’re pretty sure that had nothing to do with I Want Revenge.

But back to the race itself. The (slight) odds-on favorite now is Friesan Fire, who must overcome a crippling affliction of “name not so cool.” Sure, the colt may be athletic and stuff, but unless it WANTS REVENGE, then… well, then what’s the point?