Some high school football coaches use money from booster clubs to take the team out for pizza at Chuck E. Cheese. Some use it to defray the costs of taking the team to away games. Then, there’s James Atkins. He uses it to go to strip clubs. I suppose the only good thing to be said about that is that he didn’t take the team with him.
(A better combination of football uniforms and strippers)
Atkins, a former coach and president of the Chelsea High School football team’s booster club, was indicted on 10 counts of larceny for stealing $10,000 meant to go toward the team’s uniforms, including “the withdrawal of $500 from an ATM right next door to the Squire men’s club at 1 in the morning,” according to a Boston assistant district attorney, in what is likely the most awesome quote of that ADA’s life. (Details and mug shot after the jump.)
First off, I love the name of the strip joint. If Eliot Spitzer spent $4,300 dollars on Jersey Shore Trash at “The Emperor’s Club,” I can’t imagine what Atkins could have gotten for his $500 at The Squire Club. Judging from the photo on WCVB BOSTON’s web site, he got something horrifying, with granny stockings barely covering a hideous leg tattoo.
One reviewer had this to say of Squire:
“The women range in looks from freaky to fabulous. The place likes to think of itself as upscale, but come on boys, you sell pizza…by the slice!”
Frightening lap dances and unhygienic pizza weren’t the only thing Atkins and his wife(!) allegedly spent the money on over a three-year period. According to the ADA, the booster club checking account was dipped into for airline tickets, at a Boston sports bar, and at ATMs in Alabama, for some reason. Sgt. Atkins (yup, he’s a cop too) was, unsurprisingly, suspended from his coaching job when the indictment was handed down.
According to Atkins’ lawyer, a sportswriter was working on a book about his client’s coaching success before the allegations surfaced. Some potential (and potentially libelous) titles:
-Bang the Stripper Slowly
-The Boys Ogle Summer
-North Dallas $40 Lap Dance
-The Natural Breasts
-The Science of Hitting on a Stripper
You get the picture. The Chelsea HS Red Devils are doing well this year, in second place in their division. No truth to the rumor that their players are hard to tackle because their uniforms are still coated with Astroglide.
5:59 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Ironic that money marked for clothing would go to ladies who don't wear any.
6:12 pm on October 22nd, 2008
If I was the football team, I'd be pretty pissed. Coach going to a strip club without us!?!?!
6:19 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Maybe the team would play better if the coach promises to take them along on his next strip club trip.
6:20 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Coach, the money's for the booster club, not the boobster club.
6:24 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Mmmm, nothing tastes better than strip club pizza!
6:30 pm on October 22nd, 2008
But, honey I just go there for the pizza.
6:34 pm on October 22nd, 2008
And the leftover pepperoni gets used as the strippers' pasties.
6:39 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Yummy!
6:45 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Strip club pizza is a staple of the James Atkins Diet.
6:46 pm on October 22nd, 2008
ATM's in Alabama? Must have been palling around with Mike Price.
7:04 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Whatever money was left over was used on season tickets to the Lingerie Football League.
7:05 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Stupid solid. Love it.
7:06 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Since he's a cop, it was all just part of a big undercover operation. Yeah, that's the ticket.
7:08 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Judging by his smirk in the mug shot, Jimmy must have been picked up right after another Squire Club soiree.
7:10 pm on October 22nd, 2008
what a rotten coach.
7:12 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Sure he didn't do all this embezzling and strip club attending just to help with book sales?
7:14 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Quick question to WCVB-TV: What do Tim Curry's legs have to do with this story?
7:16 pm on October 22nd, 2008
I find it difficult to eat food at a strip club. Something seems so unsanitary about it.
Er, not that I go to strip clubs that often. Once a week, at the most.
7:37 pm on October 22nd, 2008
Atkins claims he was just out scouting for prospective cheerleaders.
10:04 pm on October 22nd, 2008
This story made http://detentionslip.org ! Check it out for all the crazy headlines from our schools.
10:32 am on October 23rd, 2008
This quote from the moive DC Cab sums up this story:
"Don't let your dick run your life"!
7:54 pm on October 23rd, 2008
If the coach took the players with him, would it count toward their sex ed classes?
7:57 pm on October 23rd, 2008
All our little league coach did was take us to Baskin Robbins.
12:55 am on November 7th, 2008
whatever u do…..dont ask for extra anchovies @ this place!
8:25 am on October 3rd, 2009
grass on the football feild ….. playball,