A.J. Pierzynski, noted ass-about-town, currently leads the majors with a .500 batting average for the Chicago White Sox. Could it be an incredibly small sample size? Could it be luck? Might he have dropped a few hits in that would normally be outs?

Why, of course not! The CHICAGO SUN-TIMES stops jousting with the CHICAGO TRIBUNE long enough to track down the logical explanation for the phenomenal statistic: A.J. played Vision Training on the Nintendo DS for all of spring training, improving his hand-eye coordination!

Of course, this replaces Pierzynski’s previous training techniques: punching a guy in the head, spotting a dropped third strike without turning his head, and kneeing an old man in the groin.

However, the brilliant observation by the SUN-TIMES does not explain how Pierzynski missed this catch (as noticed by AWFUL ANNOUNCING):

(Note: mild yet delicious cursing in this video)

How could our newly sharp-eyed batting champion of Week One miss a fastball like that? Why, A.J. would never let a ball slip past him intentionally to punish the ump for a previous call, would he? Of course not. He’s a misunderstood little angel. Now if only there was a way to measure his mental acuity to be sure…