OL Stabs Teammate; Holy Cross Swagger Is Back

Whenever a violent crime occurs involving college football players, it is almost automatic to think of the history of thuggery and miles-long rap sheet of The College of the Holy Cross.  And in this case, the stereotype would be correct, as a Crusaders football player allegedly stabbed his roommate and closest friend Sunday morning at a victory celebration party.

Not Peter Griffin

(The Stabnificent Mr. McCabe, no relation to Peter Griffin)


Michael McCabe, a 6-foot-5, 300-pound offensive lineman from Watertown, Conn., allegedly attacked teammate Luke Chmielinski leaving the wide receiver bleeding from the back and chest sometime before 2 a.m. yesterday, police said. 

More stabby goodness after the jump.

This juicy tidbit may shed some light on the stabification:

Authorities declined to comment on what prompted the alleged attack, stating only that it involved Mr. McCabe, his sister and Mr. Chmielinski. 


(I wanna slip my tubesteak into your sister. What’ll you take in trade?)

So I’m thinking the stabbee partook in holy communion with the stabber’s sister, and then the stabber proceeded to slash the holy spirit out of the stabbee.

Certainly, this brutal assault will be highlighted around the country as yet another example of the society decaying effects of rap rock music, gangsta preppy clothing, ghetto Catholic morals, and the thug suburban lifestyle of these hoodlums the accused.

Also worth noting is that a high school social studies teacher was arrested in connection with the stabbing.  Hopefully he can cover the section on criminal justice for his students before his arraignment.