Hockey Players Invent a New Way to Get Drunk

It’s always been something of a struggle for the troglodyte male to select a wine on those rare occasions he’s been ordered to the liquor store to purchase a bottle for dinner with friends or a housewarming gift. He stares at the rows upon rows of indecipherable glass bottles and all he can be sure of is that white’s for wimps and Thunderbird is NOT go.

Bobby Hull and Tony Esposito

So what’s a guy to do? He looks for a face he can trust on the bottle, one that tells him his $15 won’t be a total waste. He looks for Bobby Hull’s mug on the label.

That’s right; the NHL Alumni Association is raising money by planting a dozen faces on bottles of wine and then selling them in hockey hotbeds like Chicago, Philly, and Detroit. (Sorry, Pittsburgh men; you still have to try to write “Chardonnay” on an Iron City Beer bottle and pass it off as the real thing.)

Hockey wine

The labels, which prove someone knew how to use the Filters feature in Photoshop and little else, show the players in action with their numbers at the top. We look forward to the commercials, which we hope show Gordie Howe switching to Ernest & Julio Gallo halfway through the commercial for more money.

And we understand he’s not retired yet, but it seems wrong to have a hockey wine and not include Jaromir Jagr.

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