Hell Hath No Fury Like A Soccer Ex-WAG Scorned

Cristiano Ronaldo is a very rich man. He’s the highest-paid soccer player in the land, as a matter of fact, so you can just imagine what kind of women he’s able to attract.

Nereida Gallardo
(Yes, please.)

One of them is Nereida Gallardo, pictured above in her eternal struggle to find a shirt that’ll fit. But the two were seen fighting inside a nightclub recently, and the split was on. Unfortunately for Ronaldo, Gallardo has no qualms with revealing every single unflattering detail about their sex life on Spanish television. Oh, it got bad.

Nereida Gallardo

Per the LONDON STAR:

[Gallardo] revealed that Cristiano wore novelty red underpants with an elephant on them.

Nereida, 26, said: “He puts his willy where the elephant’s face is and he doesn’t fill its trunk.

“I think he got turned on more looking at himself in the mirror than at me.”

Nereida Gallardo

Oh, damn. We’re guessing “over” doesn’t even begin to describe the over-ness of their relationship.

Now, don’t cry too much for Ronaldo, as he’s still, y’know, Cristiano Ronaldo. His transfer to Real Madrid was the most expensive in the history of the sport, and his contract is expected to follow suit. Finding a woman with which to share an evening or two should not exactly be a concern, despite Gallardo’s best efforts.

But at the very least, Gallardo’s not alone. According to THE PEOPLE, in his search for a replacement, Ronaldo tried to upgrade to the ultimate status symbol: Paris Hilton:

Paris Hilton

See if anything sounds familiar:

Ex-Manchester United star Ronaldo, 24, has been bombarding Paris with text messages, begging her to join him in Madrid where he now lives so that they can re-ignite their romance.

Paris, 28, told my source: “Cristiano has been on my case since we met in LA and he keeps trying to get me to meet him again.

“I like guys who are manly, not the sort who look in the mirror more than I do.

Dude. If there’s a naked woman in front of you, pay attention to that. C’mon now.