Helio Castroneves Could Serve Six Years In Prison

In my 28 and a half years on this Earth, I haven’t learned much. Maybe it was all the partying I did as a teenager, or maybe I’m just stupid - the fact of the matter is I just don’t know all that much about the world. Still, if there’s one thing I have learned while living in the United States it’s that you can get away with anything you want when you live in this country, just make sure you pay your taxes.

Seriously, you can run an entire criminal enterprise and kill all the people you desire like Al Capone did, or make horrible movies like Wesley Snipes, but if you don’t pay your taxes, you’re going to prison.  It’s that simple. Unfortunately for IndyCar Series driver Helio Castroneves, he didn’t grow up in the United States and never learned this lesson. Because of that, he now faces the prospect of spending six years or more behind bars.

From the DETROIT FREE-PRESS:

Castroneves, 33, the two-time Detroit Belle Isle Grand Prix champion, faces prison time — perhaps six years or more — if convicted of tax-evasion charges. His business-manager/sister Katiucia Castroneves and Birmingham attorney Alan R. Miller also have been charged.

The trial against Castroneves — who drives for Penske Racing and celebrates his victories by scaling wire fences at racetracks — continues in Miami as the IndyCar Series and Castroneves’ replacement for now, Will Power, participate in the final team test at Barber Motorsports Park in Alabama before the season’s opening event April 5 at St. Petersburg, Fla.

Okay, I know facing prison time isn’t funny, but Castroneves’ replacement is named Will Power? Seriously? Does he have a brother named Max, because if he does, I’d like to nominate his parents for the Coolest Parents In the World Award. Unless they have a son named Dwight, then they’re just racists.

Anyway, back to Helio. Castroneves “forgot” to pay about $5 million in taxes over the last four years while spending his time winning Indy 500s and Dancing With The Stars competitions while answering questions about what it’s like to talk to Danica Patrick.