Hedo Turkoglu: New Raptor, New Rapper (Video)

One of my small indulgences over the years has been rap in languages that I don’t have a damned prayer of understanding. Case in point, “Saker Och Ting” by Petter. He sure sounds angry, but for all I know, he’s rapping about bunny rabbits, rainbows, and smiling. You foreign people with your moonman words!

Turkcell
(This is not an unrelated picture. It’s actually TurkCell’s logo. I don’t know why.)

Now we’ve got an unlikely entrant into the genre, though. Hedo Turkoglu, fresh off his free-agency payday with the Toronto Raptors, decided to cut a commercial for TurkCell, the leading cell phone company in his native Turkey. It’s, uh… it’s interesting.

(Video after the jump.)

Can I take that back? That’s some of the worst music I’ve ever heard in my life. And Hedo barely dropped any rhymes! Did that even rhyme? What the hell.

More disturbingly, even Turkey has 3G coverage? I’ve been out of the country enough to know that the USA isn’t the only country with running water or anything, but if we’re barely keeping technological pace with the 17th biggest GDP…

Wait a damn minute, Turkey has the 17th largest GDP? How in the holy smoking hell did that happen? How are we sleeping on a growing titan of the world economy like that?

And more importantly, how did Turkey get to be such an economic superpower with such a clearly deficient music scene? You can’t even dance to it. Look at Hedo. He’s trying, bless his heart, but that’s a sixty-second tonal seizure.