Heavy News: Andruw Jones Soon Sent to Minors?

The Dodgers might be considering that would have been unfathomable before the start of the season: sending Andruw Jones down to the minor leagues. Tony Jackson of the L.A. DAILY NEWS writes that Joe Torre and Jones’ agent Scott Boras had a lengthy conversation on Sunday morning, which Jackson speculated revolved around sending Jones down to the minors to “get his swing right.”

Andruw Jones Fat

When asked about it, Torre gave a “non-denial denial.” Getting Jones and his .161 batting average off of a major league roster & sending him down to the minors might seem like a good idea. But such a scenario is actually a horrible and possibly dangerous notion. Why?

In one word: Buffets.

The Dodgers’ AAA affiliate is the Las Vegas 51s. Las Vegas is also the Land of the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet. And sending Andruw Jones? Judging by his shape this season, it appears that any time is “all-you-can-eat,” because he appears to love eating. A lot. Mike Williams-sized portions, even.

And sending Fatty McFatterson to a place with ready access to as much prime rib, mashed potatoes & gravy, shrimp cocktails, and cups of self-service cream as he wants is a like punishing a seven year-old by sending him to his room for the rest of the day, with only his Wii for company.

If we get reports of Andruw coming to bat for the 51s in a giant, white sequined uniform, clutching his bat in one hand and a fried peanut butter & banana sandwich in the other, then we’ll know things have hit rock bottom. And it would be time to call in Bob Golic for a fat intervention.