Hawks Player to Receive $100M If He Gets Married

After Thursday night’s thrashing at the hands of the Cavs, it seems that the Atlanta Hawks should start making their post-basketball plans pretty soon. And one Hawks player would appear to have his offseason occupied with a fun little adventure - looking for a wife.

Zaza Pachulia

(Ladies - how can you resist this?)

Zaza Pachulia needs to find a bride. Does he have his own biological clock ticking, a la Sheryl Crow? Possibly, but the more important reason is that Zaza stands to receive $100 million if he gets hitched, and stays hitched for at least five years.

BASKETBAWFUL explains that Zaza’s zany situation is due to his rich uncle, who left the b-baller with a big inheritance but with a catch. Yes, it’s your standant sitcom plot come to life:

(Zaza’s) uncle, residing in Russia, died last week and left him $100 million. Zaza confirmed the incident, stating that he received a phone call from Moscow from a lawyer explaining the situation, but he said at first he taught it was a joke.

He also said that his uncle in Russia loved him very much and he is not surprised the uncle left everything to him and two sons. The lawyer told him that there is a condition on the will. This condition is that Zaza has to get married and stay married for 5 years.

I recall this same scenario being forced upon Shemp Howard in a Three Stooges short. But unlike Shemp, Zaza won’t be stuffing his pockets with $100 bills:

He also insisted the inheritance is not cash, but it includes shopping centers, residences, land and other real estate. When asked if everything goes okay and he gets the money what he will do, he answered that he will start a basketball club and play final in Euroleague with this club.

Well, that’s one way to reach a championship final. Zaza certainly can’t do it with the Hawks.

So, ladies, if you want to share your love with Mr. Pachulia (so he’ll share his $100 million), send your resumes & videotapes to the Atlanta Hawks Human Resources Department, Quickie Marriage Division. You’ll be glad you did!

*UPDATE*: Apparently BASKETBAWFUL zinged the wrong Zaza. But don’t let that stop you ladies from partying with Pachulia tonight!