In this troubled economy, companies often have to merge to stay afloat. And if this news from the PATRIOT-NEWS is any indication, SNL’s two best sartorial success stories–Bad Idea Jeans and Mom Jeans–have done just that. Mom’s Bad Idea this time around has been to spruce up youth soccer by introducing mortal danger, as one woman fights for her right to openly carry a firearm at her daughter’s games.

(”GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLL!!!!!!!!!!”)

This is where things get weird, though. Really weird. The local sheriff had responded to the woman’s decision by taking away her concealed weapon permit. That’s despite the fact that openly carrying a firearm is legal for nearly everybody in Pennsylvania, according to OPENCARRY.ORG. So when a judge returned the mother’s right to conceal her handgun, she responded, quite naturally, by asking for a million dollars to go with that.

The mother’s reasoning, it seems, is that not only has she got attorney fees to pay, but there’s also emotional distress (oh, we’re sure) and lost wages, and they all quite coincidentally add up to that beautiful round number of $1,000,000. The lost wages are a blessing in disguise for Central Pennsylvanian parents, though; the claim says it’s from her babysitting business.

Now, look. We’re not sure how bad things are in Lebanon, PA, but unless it’s the exact same as Lebanon, Syria and there are terrorists running around everywhere, you probably don’t need to wave around a pistol to feel safe at a childrens’ soccer game. And yes, it’s certainly legal to do so in Pennsylvania, but there are plenty of legal things you can do that demonstrate remarkably poor judgment. Like hire Isiah Thomas. And if someone has the poor judgment to brandish a weapon around children, wouldn’t it make a whole lot of sense to, oh I don’t know, never leave your children in that person’s care?!

Or maybe we just don’t know kids these days and Hain is packing heat to protect herself from them. You never know when one of those little twerps is going to go all Grand Theft Auto on you, and then who’s the smart one, huh? It’s the mom with the gun at the children’s soccer game. She’s the genius.