Former New York Giants wide receiver Mark Ingram plead guilty three years ago to money laundering and bank fraud.  Since then, he’s been sprinting away from his plea and ducking judicial tacklers in the open field.

He’s tried to retract the plea and has blown off three sentencing hearings, twice with emergency room visits for conveniently undiagnosable concerns.  That’s why there’s an arrest warrant out for him now.  U.S. marshals will head out to pick him up if he blows off one more attempt to report to the judge on time.

(Mark Ingram with special envoy Mr. Rogers)

Of course, someone as resourceful as Ingram shouldn’t have to worry about broken cars.  After all, he told the court in previous filings that he doesn’t qualify for prosecution at all because he has diplomatic immunity as the head of state of… somewhere.  Dumasia?

Prosecutors called the treatises “rambling, confusing, outlandish and largely incoherent.”  Yes, that sounds a head of state around these parts.

On the other hand, we suppose we can understand why he’d work so hard to avoid nearly 10 years in prison.  After all, he’s been in prison twice already and escaped conviction once for stealing a woman’s purse.  Yet he wasn’t the biggest loser on the field for that 1991 Super Bowl; that’s still Scott Norwood.  (Sorry.)