HUGE-BOOBED DUKE GROUPIE NOT CRAZY ABOUT CRAZIES: CSTV unearths the rarest of creatures, an enormously breasted Duke basketball groupie under 300 lbs. (the obscure video reminds me of that grainy Bigfoot footage often seen on The Discovery Channel).

The endangered specie is interviewed about her experience as a Duke basketball fan (there are actually three parasites ladies interviewed - the other two resemble Coach K’s clean-out-the-garage Nikes).All three bag on fellow Duke female students and delight in mocking Dukie kids who camp out for weeks for tickets.

Boobs McShelden (pictured): “I’d say we’re the three most attractive girls at Duke, there’s not a big selection. … The Cameron Crazies sit in the student section, the VIPs (like them) sit in the behind-the-family section. … They (Cameron Crazies) camp out like refugees, it’s ridiculous.”

Juggs McShelden Shoe Leather Friend #1: “We don’t tent for tickets, I go to will call (laughs).”

When Chesty McShelden is asked about her ticket “hook-up” she responds with faux protestation, “I don’t like the word ‘hook-up’ … I would say ‘friends’, we have various ‘friends’ on the team.”

Saggy McShelden then delivers a parting shot on Josh McRoberts (who obviously doesn’t leave tickets for passed-around … felines): “I think he’s the only person ever leaving Duke early where people weren’t sad.”

“(Following jumpcut where Melons McShelden obviously begged camera crew to add on a conciliatory comment from her) Nothing personal Josh, I have class with you, I have to see you!“