If you need proof that the Florida State football program has declined in importance in recent years, consider the fact that it has been nearly four whole months since a FSU football player has been arrested, shot, put on probation, or indicted. That’s a statistic that wasn’t boding well for their chances for success in 2009, as the team’s greatest successes seem to correlate with their worst off-field behavior (Free Shoes University, anyone?).

Luckily for Bobby Bowden, that changed yesterday when senior WR Richard Goodman was arrested and charged with assaulting a female in the face with a folding chair at a party last November. What a Dick!

In a piece of pretty boss detective work, it only took Tallahassee’s finest 5 months to think to put the suspects in a lineup in front of witnesses. When they finally did so, they cracked a case with the precise precision of a chair to the face.

From the ORLANDO SENTINEL:

According to FSU Police Department documents, police believe Goodman is the individual who swung a chair that struck a female in the face during the on-campus fight last November. Goodman’s charge: Aggravated battery with a deadly weapon causing great bodily harm. That’s a second degree felony.

The FSU Police Department had been investigating the fight for months, trying to establish the identity of the individual who used a chair to assault a female. The case received its break on April 2 when, according to police department documents, a female witness identified Goodman as the one who swung the chair. The witness picked Goodman out of a photographic lineup that included three FSU football players and nine other students.

As we all know, assaulting a female is one of the lowest things a man can do, especially when said man is a large, physically imposing football player. Hopefully, Goodman will be on the business end of a little prison assault for such a weak, cowardly move; everyone knows the only time hitting someone in the face with a chair is acceptable is in 1920s slapstick comedy films - and no, pro wrestling is never under any circumstances acceptable.