Former TCU Football Player Shot Over Can Of Beer

Alcohol and firearms don’t mix. Hoo boy howdy, do they ever not mix. Wait, a slight amendment: they mix, but only in the same way that the red liquid and clear liquid mix in Die Hard With A Vengeance: horribly violently.

Schlitz Sandwich
(Instead of a handgun, why not complement your beer with a ham sandwich?)

Exhibit number eleventy berjillion in “do not handle your handgun when drunk and angry” is the case of former TCU defensive tackle Lorenzo Jones, who started a fight that ended quite poorly for him over a can of beer. No, wait - he started it over pride, which is a deadly sin for a reason; the can of beer is a mere prop.

The DALLAS MORNING NEWS has the story of Jones’ hospitalization after being shot in the abdomen, including one question that sounds a whole hell of a lot better in a brave man’s head than it does coming out his mouth:

According to the Broward County sheriff’s office, Jones, who was visiting his mom during a break from school, had gotten into an argument with his mom’s boyfriend, Ricky Von Welch, at her apartment complex. Welch knocked a can of beer from Jones’ hand and the two men, who were armed with folding knives, threatened to attack each other.

At one point, the men dropped their knives, and Jones slapped Welch in the face, authorities said. Welch then went inside the apartment and got a handgun.

According to the sheriff’s office, Jones said, “What are you going to do, shoot me?”

Why, yes, Lorenzo; yes he was. Next time someone points a gun at you and you’re both drunk, do not under any circumstances challenge him to pull the trigger. Fear of consequence is way, way out the window by the time the gun gets pointed.

Jones was reportedly in critical condition as of last week in Broward County Hospital, but the DMN does not have more current information on his condition - or even if he’s still hospitalized. Or even alive! (We assume he’s still alive, since gun deaths have a way of becoming public rather quickly.)

But perhaps it’s not time to cry tears for Jones - if you’re a fan of karma and casual assumptions of guilt, anyway. Though he never actually faced charges, he spent nearly a year in jail awaiting them for rape at TCU back in 2006, a charge sufficiently serious enough that he was dismissed from the team and never reinstated.

Perhaps being gutshot is bad enough that we wouldn’t wish it upon a suspected rapist. Perhaps it isn’t. Perhaps the two are unrelated. But hopefully, if nothing else, you can take this from the article: Don’t run your mouth at a loaded weapon. Please.