The Teddy Dupay reference was hilarious because you linked a well known former sports radio voice with a drug problem to Schilling who played Gopher sports and also apparently has a drug problem. That’s genius! It’s funny because drug problems are funny, and also it’s witty because you made a connection there with the sports and drug theme!

The reference to knives and chopping up pigs was also very smart and very humorous because of how you tied in “cutting up piggies a.k.a. Police” to actually using the knives to possibly cut up some pigs to eat later. Although there is a missing link since most meth users actually have a decreased appetite while high. I’m wonderin if you shot up a little meth yourself when you wrote this article! Maybe someday if you ever become important enough, a sports writer can write an article about you and your problems and crack some hilarious jokes at your expense.

And the Curt Schilling joke? Super funny. They have the same last name. And they both played sports. I don’t know how you thought that up but you are truly brilliant.

You are definitely on your way! I think you will be the next Sid Hartman. Let us know when you start getting a paycheck for your journalistic capabilities. If it doesn’t pan out, you could always do stand-up!