Football Player Abducted? Looking For Attention?

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS reports on a bizarre story that sounds a little like something out of a Jason Bourne movie, or perhaps approaching Ned Beatty’s notorious scene in Deliverance.  A 300-pound(!) high school football lineman says he was forced to crash his car to escape a gunman who had kidnapped him and forced him to drive more than 200 miles.

Ned Beatty Jason Bourne

(Did High School fatty football player escape this fate, or make it all up?)

17-year-old Kory Wakefield told police that he was walking out of his house in the town of Leadington, Missouri, on Monday to go to school, when a man with a gun walked up and demanded to be driven to the towns of Columbia and later Kirksville. What follows is either an amazing tale of courage and self-determination, or one incredibly elaborate excuse for ditching school on a Monday.

Wakefield contacted his girlfriend with a series of text messages asking for help. His father was able to speak with him briefly, before the cell phone connection died. Meanwhile, his high school football teammates left school to lead a manhunt looking for him.

It turns out that he was in a woodland preserve 200 miles away, where Wakefield says his abductor ordered him to drive. Fearing he would be shot in the secluded area, Wakefield made the decision to intentionally wreck his car into a bundle of logs. The force of the impact knocked both of them out. When he came to, Wakefield says he saw his captor being pulled out of the car by another man, so he fakes still being unconscious until they left.

Police say that they haven’t found any fingerprints on Wakefield’s car other than his, so there’s something not right about this story to me. Also,if you’re going to chose to randomly kidnap someone, I would think you wouldn’t choose the hulking, 300-pound offensive lineman. Don’t members of the pep band have cars, too?

I do know one thing, however: No matter what the outcome of the police investigation, Wakefield’s State Farm agent is going to have one huge headache on his hands. I can’t imagine that “forced to crash car after being kidnapped by random, gun-toting lunatic” is something that is covered in most insurance plans.

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