Scientists with free time and ample research grants have found a way for fish to lead a normal life in the open sea until their fishing overlords deem it time for the fish to commit suicide for the benefit of the Cape Cod seafood industry. Basically, we can now breed fish that will fish themselves.
(”Hey, that’s Roger’s ring tone! Quick, guys, in the cooler!”)
Marine biology enthusiast and soon-to-be ruler of All That Has Gills Simon Miner said that they were able to train fish in an aquarium by releasing fish food and emitting a sound, coaxing the scaly subjects in the Pavlovian sense. “You hit that button, and they go into that area, and they wait patiently.”
So that’s what fish learn when they’re in those schools. Get it? Ha! Because the fish … and the school … no, please, don’t look at me that way.
(This is totally gonna ruin Sig Hansen’s career.)
If we’re training fish to catch themselves … hold on, is this really a problem in today’s society? Because there are fish products, like, everywhere. Don’t we need these hypnotized fish in the future-generation war? Strap a teeny little rifle onto those fins and have them do the USA’s bidding to destroy the evil mermen which plot daily to thwart our way of living. (It’s a real problem.)