Finally, A Place to Holster Your Lightsaber Wedge

The Japanese have yet again shown us how to create something greater than the sum of its parts, as they did with “Voltron” and with “Pink Lady and Jeff“.

Now they’ve lashed stiff acting and cribbed storylines from Joseph Campbell to amateur flailing with expensive equipment over wasteful expanses of a different kind to create a much more awesome form of hackery than the two could ever achieve alone:

Darth Vader golf bag

Yes, it’s Star Wars golf gear from Japan! Join the Japanese Empire today and they’ll throw in, for exorbitant charge, these driver covers with TIE fighter designs! Buy now!

Seriously, though, who the hell would fall for playing in a foursome with Darth Vader and a stormtrooper? No one! First, anyone with their own picture on their bags should not be messed with. Either he’s the best player in the entire distant galaxy or he’s absolutely insane. Or both. You’re spending four hours with this person?

Also, anyone over the age of six just knows Vader’s cheating on best ball. Oh, is that putt a bit off? Now it’s curving… curving… in! Sure, it looked like it was stopping, but that’s just your imagination, isn’t it? No, he didn’t use the Force to cheat! How could you ask that? How could you even ask that? He finds your lack of faith in his golf ethics disturbing.

Oh, and what’s with that second stormtrooper he brought along? Why are all three of them in matching black golf carts and running Shriner routines over the greens in weird formations between shots? That’s just annoying. Who’s telling him to knock it off, though?

Vader might rack up 18 holes-in-one; he might not. One wave of that black glove at you and suddenly you’re signing off on his scorecard. All you can do is sigh and prepare to show the power of your fully operational wallet as you buy all the rounds on the 19th hole. Why won’t someone come along and sink the long shot into the tiny hole to finally defeat Vader?

(Tip your waitresses… and then tip them back up! Thank you, Cantina!)